I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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