I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
