so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize