how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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