Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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