I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
