Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
