i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
