This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
