some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
