i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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