Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
