Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
