A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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