i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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