Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
