ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
