Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
