All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
