What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
