I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
