i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
