Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have aggressive nipples.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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