I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
