Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize