I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
