i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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