Betty ford says i'm here all night
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
