I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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