The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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