I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
grandma shit on top of the toilet
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
