I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
