I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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