sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize