I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
