we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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