i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
should my penis look like a turkey
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sorry about my life...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
