she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
