chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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