Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
