OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
