how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I am midnight drunk by noon
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I smell like Dick and happiness
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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