His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
