Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
