Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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