Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
