i was born a porn star she said
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
