she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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