There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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