I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
