u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
