you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
