Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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