My liver just broke up with me...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize