i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
