she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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