Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
