Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
