idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
