Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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