My sheets look like a crime scene.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
