Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
