If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
