Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
