Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
