Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i drank out of a bidet.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
