there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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