u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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