I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
