that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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