epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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