Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If its not for food we ain't going out.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
