A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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