I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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