I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
