i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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