dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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