I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
