Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
