I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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