I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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