i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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