I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize