1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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