AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
