time to smoke my breakfast
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
