I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
