I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
