Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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