woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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