I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
