Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
